To Catch A Predator 101

Posted by ahna tessler in Fashion | 0 comments

Here we go again… yet another fashion trend that encourages pedophilia… BIG EYEBALLS!!!

That’s right ladies, we have yet one more product to make us look younger! When I say, “ladies,” I’m actually referring to “girls.” When I say, “younger,” I really mean “infants!”  Forget about those 40 year old women going out to get botox to look like they’re 25…  The world of fashion has become so insane that 13-year-olds are modifying themselves to look like they’re pre-pubescent.  What I’m talking about folks is a new fad called “Circle Lenses” – first coined by Lady Gaga, a cosmetic enhancement to make your eyes look bigger and more spectacular than usual.

This product is engineered to cover the iris and extend over the white part of the eye to give the appearance of abnormally large eyeballs!  The effect is akin to making yourself look like a Precious Moments doll… I mean, hey, who wouldn’t want to look like a hot, sexy toddler, right?

Would you care for some Huggies with those eyeballs?

In addition to their cosmetic properties, circle lenses can cause severe damage to the eye. But who cares about infection when you can look like a like a little, wide-eyed innocent girl?

We all know that looking younger is the secret to attraction, but now we’re trying to look prepubescent?  Come on!  Watch out Miley Cyrus, you have major competition and these girls are not only wet behind the ears, but they’ve got abnormally big eyeballs!  Soooooo sexy, huh?  NOOOOOO!!!!! What is going on here? What’s happened to the better sex?

Let’s go backtrack, shall we? From the moment we were little girls, we’ve been conditioned for breeding.  Our job is to procreate in order to keep the species growing. That is why we play “house,” push fake babies in fake strollers, and cook up plastic, mini casseroles for our parents.  We are female and we have the power of natural selection.

From the time we’re like 6 years old, we watch our mothers put on high heels and lipstick and we want to be just like them.  Our teenage years are spent wishing we could look older so we can attract those hot high school boys… those ones that would make us look cooler if we’re seen with them.  So we slather on all that lip-gloss and wear the shortest shorts we can manage and say big words like, “psychology” so we can sound smarter.

Biologically, we’re programmed to attact men… because subconsiously we want to have their babies.  (We just don’t realize it yet.).

In college, we do our best to look like we’re old enough to drink… so we can get drunk and look even cooler.  We rock the Lycra minis and stiletto boots to look hot, but we keep cell phone tucked safely away in a knock-off clutch (just in case we have to call mom at 2am to save us from whatever situation we just got into.)

After college, we go out with our BFF’s to get into bars where drunken, married dudes pray on us. We ignore their inappropriate stares and comments, and we cling to each other in packs… talking shit about how “gross” these dirty old men are.

At middle age, we might have a few kids and maybe a few husbands behind us and now we’re all alone and we want to be young again. So, we spend thousands of dollars and work our asses off to look younger.  Why?  Because we still want that male attention.  Only this time, it’s not about breeding.  It’s about companionship. We have to get men’s attention somehow, right?  So we do everything in our power to look the part. It’s safe to say that men like perky tits, tight asses, clear skin, shiny long hair, and flat tummys because all that stuff represents youth.  Youth represents sex.

Fine… simple… makes sense, right?

YOUTH! YOUTH! YOUTH!  It’s in our faces it every day. It’s being crammed down our throats, right?  Little girls are hearing way too soon… and it’s destroying their image of themselves.  Don’t they know they’re in the clear?  They don’t need to worry about this yet.

C’mon, girls.. go ride a bike with your friends.

Have a crush on the boy who sits next to you on the school bus.

Jump rope.

Tell ghost stories.

This youth desperation crap doesn’t not apply to you… yet.

This is an epidemic and is poisoning their innocent minds, bodies, souls and now…EYES!

Is this what men are attracted to? Girls who look like children?  Call me delusional, but I really think that the majority of healthy, sane men are attracted to women who are past puberty. Sure, they may think that teenage bodies are hot… as much as I wish they didn’t… but they do and it’s natural and normal. What’s not normal is when that attraction is transferred onto little girls.

If I were to take a guess, I would say that most men do not find it attractive for a 30 year old woman to be rocking eyeballs that make her look like a 7-year-old freak show.

So, why are these new circle lenses so damn popular? Somewhere along the way, it seems that we as a society decided that it’s sexy to look like a child.  We are to blame. Somehow, we got in our minds around the idea that the younger we are, the better.

But c’mon folks, isn’t that just a figure of speech?  The word, “younger” doesn’t mean first grader!

The next thing we’ll see are 15-year-old girls rockin’ slimy, faux placentas all over their bodies.

What’s sexier than a newborn baby straight form the womb? Huh?